Starting over at 27: No House, No Kids, Just Me

The agonizing truth of life at this moment is the constant reminder that when starting over in life, at any age, people say that “you have nothing to lose”. Their meaning is kind, of course, but it's also cruel. It implies that every choice you’ve ever made since finishing high school, college, or your first job has amounted to nothing.

I get the constant comments from every interaction of the past couple of months saying

“It's okay its not like your paying a mortgage,”

“Its okay its not like you’re paying a car loan,”

“It's not like you’re married,”

“It's okay, it's not like you have a baby to support.”

You're right, I don't have any of those things. If I had those things, I wouldn't find the necessity to start over in life. I wouldn't find myself lost and lonely searching for the next step. We make choices aware of all the consequences but that doesn't make anything easier it just makes it what it is, a hard fucking choice being pushed to make because if you keep this life you will never get to where you feel you are meant to go.

It's been over 3 months since I left my job and it hasn't been easy– financially, mentally, emotionally, I’ve lost stability, my apartment, and some of  my self esteem, and this is coming from someone who is in a privileged position where I have the support of my family.

I left my job because I couldn’t handle it anymore, I spent my days dreading going to the office, doing a job that I hated, talking to people that made me feel less of myself, my work not only being criticized but being cursed at, not being able to put my name on any project because it belonged to the company, not me so I don’t even get credit for the future. I cried tears of sadness and anger, waves of panic overtook me with every video call, constantly hearing how meaningless my position and work were.

I left, and there is not a single part of me that regrets that. With that said, many things happened after that, which have led me to make even more choices, hence me leaving the city I love, but something I am learning throughout this whole process is that even when it's scary to let go, you can't hold on to everything.

Life is in constant rotation, and if you hold on to one spot you will never know where you're meant to be. So keep reading, and let's move together.

-MF